Level UP!

The last few weeks, I was having some struggles with dealing with my past. I really had a rough few years where I had a roommate who was… psycho. No, seriously. I needed a place to live and this psycho wouldn’t let me leave. It was hell. The past is gone, I’m free but somewhere in my mind, it still haunted me.

I honestly didn’t know how I was going to cope with these “flashbacks” or memories that kept coming to the surface.

Then, I was contacted by my 3rd grade crush, Christopher Myers – from Niantic, CT.

I told him, if he had played his cards right, he could have woke up to this every morning and took a pic of myself…








I totally believe in God. You might not, but don’t deny the timing there.
We talked for hours, I cried. He was perfect. Too perfect. We talked for hours and hours. I worked through some of my anger, resentment and hurt. I didn’t forgive, forget or trust him!
Ultimately, he sent me a lobster. It cost a few hundred dollars. He’s not rich by any means. He works as a QC tech in Connecticut for like… 25/hr or something. I was making that like 15 years ago but whatever.

He started sending shirtless pictures. I didn’t really understand it all. He started talking like he wanted to see me and agreed to kiss me. Well, I entertained that thought. He could be my first kiss and my last kiss.
And that would be poetic… if there weren’t other people and kisses in between.

Could I ever forgive him for hurting me, not caring about me? Could I ever forgive him, ever?
I was trying but it wasn’t working.
I wanted to see him. I wanted his arms around me.

I’ve been so alone.

That’s when I realized I was still attracted to him.
There was a problem. He was a player in the past. How could I trust him?
I could not.

I could not trust him with my heart.
He didn’t deserve it.
If he worked for it but he didn’t want to do that.
He wanted a lover. I wanted a friend.

What happened after was – interesting.
He may be used to treating dependent women like shit but I was like… I can buy my own lobster… let me reimburse you.

There’s actually more to it than that…
So, basically, I think he thought his wonderful gesture entitled him to do whatever he wanted. While I may have some issues (being taken hostage for several years will do that to you), I absolutely respect myself.

He didn’t respect himself. For serious. He posted a picture of himself with a lobster, shirtless – and his alleged ex commented, “Sexy where’s your shirt”.
But that wasn’t the worst of it… he totally was nervous about his training and I supported him through that, trying to help him relax and prepare. He scored a 92, but then, when he posted it, his alleged ex wrote, “Told you so, Love you.”

I could have died.
So, I blocked him. Within a minute I received a text saying, “You blocked me!” blah blah blah. So I blocked him on text also. Now, I let my phone service lapse on my burner phone number I gave him because I’m just cray cray like that…

So, here’s some advice. You can’t fuck me for a lobster…
A jet maybe.
An island.
Not a lobster.