Month: October 2015

I know there’s something in the wake of your smile.

I get a notion from the look in your eyes, yea.

You’ve built a love but that love falls apart.

Your little piece of heaven turns too dark.

Listen to your heart
when he’s calling for you.

Listen to your heart
there’s nothing else you can do.

I don’t know where you’re going
and I don’t know why,
but listen to your heart
before you tell him goodbye.

Sometimes you wonder if this fight is worthwhile.
The precious moments are all lost in the tide, yea.
They’re swept away and nothing is what it seems,
the feeling of belonging to your dreams.

Listen to your heart
when he’s calling for you.

Listen to your heart
there’s nothing else you can do.

I don’t know where you’re going
and I don’t know why,

But listen to your heart before you tell him goodbye.

And there are voices
that want to be heard.

So much to mention
but you can’t find the words.

The scent of magic,
the beauty that’s been
when love was wilder than the wind.

Listen to your heart
when he’s calling for you.

Listen to your heart
there’s nothing else you can do.

I don’t know where you’re going
and I don’t know why,
but listen to your heart
before you tell him goodbye.

Listen to your heart
when he’s calling for you.

Listen to your heart
there’s nothing else you can do.

I don’t know where you’re going
and I don’t know why,
but listen to your heart
before you tell him goodbye.

It’s only been 1 year since I left Andrew. In fact, I remember it all well.

I was prompted to leave. I didn’t want to leave so much because we were both making about 6 figs. Who can leave that kind of money? I mean… it was crazy. Yeah. I left a man making over 80k… and he was 31. We were together 8 years. Do the math… He was awful.

Let me say a few things here.
I left on Friday. By Tuesday, he had lost his job at Apple. I was already at the resort. He told me to come back. I wanted to but the spirit guided me otherwise. Maybe if it had been my personal decision, I may have been able to resist wanting to return. Maybe I would have resisted trying to reconcile.

Look. I sat alone in church for so many years.
I took the children to primary, nursery, and other events.

The ultimate was going to the temple alone even though he had a ticket… because he didn’t want to lose about 100 bucks. Seriously? Are you for real?

Then, a year later, I sat alone during Stake Conference. Wow. Some things don’t really change. I’m ok with it, I guess. I mean, it’s not new. I didn’t cry… LOL.

🙁

He wouldn’t go to the temple. That was the big one.
You won’t go to the new Gilbert temple with our son because of a pidly 100 bucks…

He didn’t love me. That was obvious. I cried every night. I wanted a righteous man. He never prayed or read the scriptures. He was not a good person either.

I told him he wasn’t righteous enough for me. He never was righteous enough. That’s where all our problems stemmed. Seriously.

I’m finally tired now.
But yeah, I spent 2 weeks at the resort and left Oct 18.
One year ago today.

Today, I sang in the Stake Choir.
How my life has changed for the positive!
I only feel bad I didn’t come home sooner.

I make 6 figures… and I sleep on a couch.
I don’t want to leave this ward/stake.

Soon, though, I will.
I imagine I can only handle so much couch time.
She doesn’t let me take naps during the day. It’s not like I can get away.
Last week, I slept under a tree at the park while fishing. It actually was better than here… with her bothering me.

I’m so tired.

Update Nov 4, 2017
Still alone.
Still tired.
Love myself so much more despite rude things some people assume about me.

time on my hands…