My Jam…

Imagine – walking away from a multi-million dollar business – you were groomed to run since childhood – for an education and – within a few months – it was all gone and you were 3000 miles away – 20, no more money, no “real” family (just a bunch of greedy vultures), nothing.

Then imagine someone taking you for labor – and taking 5 years to escape – alive. At that point, you can’t leave those little people with those monsters. I had them, but the courts let him have them – he paid the mediator off, met with the commissioner outside court before the court date. First, you have to find them. Then, you have to extract them, legally where possible. While you work F/T with no car and hotel moteling it on Freakmont street. By the time I found them, the 1 year old had bruises behind his knees from being beaten. The head monster gave me the 3 children, whom I raised – the best I could being a single mom alone. We lived on the college campus for many years. Truthfully, I rarely slept. I would be lucky to get 3 hours of sleep in a row. The Head monster found us. I was working graveyard shift, it was daytime – and my mother was at work. I was sleeping when I shot right up out of bed. I had seen him parked on the street and the children were out front in my dream. I could hear them, they were out front – and there he was, exactly as I had seen him in my dream, my mind… That week I put the kids in a car and headed to Connecticut. I was tired of being scared. Tired of being afraid. Even after he died, I still had fear because I had been living in fear for so long.

Nothing… Nothing! that can happen at work – can really affect my life. It just hurts these people aren’t better. I still have nothing – but as my fortune stated… It’s not what you have, but what you are.


I know what I am

Near father’s day, I think about my dad. I think about him talking to Noel Lee on the phone… joking. He sent a book called, “Everything I know about wire” to him – mr. Head Monster. His son sure in the fuck didn’t take off… rebel and he had a cush life.

I’m losing hope now.

30 years – I don’t think I’ll find that life insurance policy at this point… hehe

Wire wasn’t my thing anyway.  I could get into speakers.

“this is a terrible field for a woman” he told me. He was right. Sawdust factory, spools of wire, and then there was that time we found that rat in the warehouse!

At this point, I’ve had some success. I can say, there were people who were so kind to me, when they thought I still was worth a lot… I know who they are. I have witnessed and experienced genuine kindness. That’s something. At least being poor or average, I was able to see people for who they are. I was treated like anyone else – yea that kinda stung a bit.